Tanya's Weight Loss Journey

Just one of "THOSE" days! "Don't cry over spilled Milk"

2009-01-29T09:24:00.000-08:00

So today has been one heck of a day!!! It started out alright although I'm not much of a "wake up at 6:15am kinda girls...but I do it anyways for work. So my alarm went off at 5:15am in the morning. I have this wierd logic about sleeping. I always set my alarm clock 1 hour ahead of when I need to wak up, this way I can hit snooze every 15 mins for an hour and feel like I've slept in. You know when you get to hit snooze and it feels so good because you know that you get that extra 15 mins you so need....WELL I get that X 4 every morning! It's fantastic. Not only do I set my alarm clock 1 hour before I actually ahve to get up...I also have the time on my clock set 1 hour ahead of every other clock in the house. So when it would say 6:15 on a regular clock in the house, mine would say 7:15. It's so stupid but I feel if the time is later then I've actually been able to sleep in longer....it's depressing to wake up and see 6:15 on a clock...I'd rather see 7:15 :) So yeah that's my really un-smart theory on sleeping and waking up. I guess this really tells that I'm not much of a morning gal'! The worst part of it all is if I sleep in...then I have to figure out in my half dazed brain what time it really is in the real world...process it for a few seconds and then figure out if I'm late for whatever I needed to be up for. I'm sure this process creates more of a stress than anything for me, but hey....makes me happier in the morning!

So yeah, got off to an okay start today. Things seemed like a normal day...>UNTIL...all the daycare kids decided THIS day would be THE day...that they would all have their breakdowns and tantrums for Tanya....OH LORD...what a day this is going to be. It was one thing after another...when this happens I start to get clumsy with everything I'm doing...I spill milk all over the counter when I'm trying to get it in a cup...I'm dropping things left right and center....God...what a day! BUT...like they always say "don't cry over spilled milk!", Right? Well believe me I'm not crying over it but it really didn't put me in the greatest mood.

So here I am writing in my blog to relieve whatever little tensions this day has brought about thus far.

Tomorrow is a new day...I'll just keep telling myself that! And hopefully I won't be any more clumsy than I've already been cuz God knows I might just lose it! LOL

Geeeeeeez...It's just been "one of those days!"

I've been staying on track though with my eating if that helps....LOL....Don't get me wrong, I felt like eating out the entire house like I used to today...but I kept my mind on my goal...and I resisted the ohhhhhh so yummy temptations...Mike and the kids were having chicken nuggets and fries with oranges and veggies...good lord!!! I told Mike to take all the extra nuggets out of sight as I knew I was having a weaker moment and didn't want to be tempted for another second...who knows what would have happened!!! I'm only human...right?!??!

Well I hope you're all having a better day than myself! Cheers!

A Blah Day! Da

2009-01-28T05:59:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had those days where you're just lazy, exhausted and don't want to do much of anything??? Well yesterday was one for me, I felt low on energy and exhausted. I went for my ultrasound at the fertility clinic and found out I do in fact have 2 ovaries LOL. Every other time they couldn't see the second ovary but we've finally confirmed that it's there! We're moving along in the process to have a baby....and I can't wait! It's been a very long...sometimes depressing journey. I get so upset sometimes to see some people with kids that shouldn't even have them...that hurt them or dis-own them...it breaks my heart! Sometimes leaves you asking the question "why?"

Well last night I completely forgot I had to workout...lol don't know why? I workout 6 days a week, don't know why I "thought" I didn't have a workout to do last night? So I psyched myself up to get to the gym for my cardio. It was really rough...I was tired and really didn't want to go...but I DID!

I pushed out my workout as hard as I could...had a good sweat going on and came home to have our supper. We watched Biggest Loser again last night, I don't think it's possible that I don't cry during that show. Poor Danny got voted off last night, he was the heaviest contestant to have ever been on the show. I was so sad knowing he got voted off...but he brought it home...and changed his life. They showed he's lost 101 lbs since getting voted off...I was SOoooooo happy for him. Needless to say, I was so proud of him!

Well today is off to a better start, had my omelet which was delicious as always!

OH MY GOODNESS....back to yesterday! I forgot to tell you about my trip to COSTCO...Damn you Costco and your free samples!!! I used to love gracing the grocery isles of costco for their free samples...it was most of the time the best part of the trip for me. But yesterday...it was the worst! I had all these delicious aroma's of sausage, bruschetta etc. wafting through my nose. Grrrrr, I look at the ladys with a nice smile, looked at what they had to offer...AND kept on walking! I didn't try one single sample. I knew if I had one I'd have em' all...so I stayed away. It's funny how when something is hard, and you stick to your guns...you end up coming out feeling proud instead of disappointed in yourself.

LOL just had to tell that quick story...Moral of the story is...I hate you Costco!!!

Tanya

A bath will do ya good...not before a workout though!

2009-01-26T05:01:00.000-08:00

A bath does the body good...relaxes you, and releases any stresses you may have. So yesterday (Sunday) I decided to take a bath in the morning which was oh so nice! I love taking a bath, I never used to take them very much but I am starting to take them more. I've decided I'm going to start taking better care of myself both physically and emotionally. I am now taking time for myself to have a nice bath and relax once in a while...you guys should try it! turn out the lights, put a few candles on and get into the hot bath. A little bit of soft music is always nice as well, I can't think of many things that are much more relaxing than that...and FREE!

So I took my bath for about 45 minutes, it was fantastic. I got out and made my breakfast and then decided I would go to the gym for my cardio. Mike was working today so I went by myself. Have you ever signed out a machine at the gym only to find someone has just taken your machine and didn't sign it out? Grrrrrr this frustrates me...you take the time to sign it out then you before you make it to the machine, someone has stepped on and started their workout. At our gym...there are 2 cardio levels...there is a private area that only has about 8 machines and then the cardio level which has about 30 machines. I prefer to use the private area as it's quiet, I can concentrate and I feel more confident in there. In the cardio room with more machines, I feel intimidated at times. Most of the people in there are at the top of their fitness performance, etc. So I signed out 1 of the 2 treadmills in teh private area. I went to put my coat in the locker and came out to find a guy on my machine. I went to make sure I signed out the right machine...I did. This guy keeps looking over at me and must know that I've signed it out as I'm looking at his machine to make sure that's the one I signed out for that time slot. I didn't have the nerve to cut him off of his workout. I felt bad as he was a larger guy as well. I was thinking to myself...hmmmm maybe he's just like me and gets intimidated by the upstairs cardio room. I thought, well I could put up a stink about this or I could just march my butt upstairs and get over this ridiculous fear I have. So that's what I did, I left this guy to his workout that maybe he'd feel comfortable in the private room like I do...and went upstairs. It wasn't so bad...I signed out the #6 treadmill and away I went. I began walking quickly and then started my run. I couldn't last very long before I had to slow down. I ran for almost 5 minutes and couldn't go a second farther running. I know Rob my trainer said that I would have my weaker days at the beginning and I guess this was one of them! I had no energy at all today! I was just pushing myself as far as I could go today.

Have you ever had that feeling when you get off a treadmill that you're not even walking on the ground....like you feel your legs moving but you feel like you're floating. When someone walks in front of you, you feel like you're going to walk right into them because you can't stop. I had that today...it's wierd! I was also very dizzy...I think it was just a low energy day.

All in all it was a pretty good day....a lazy one but it was good. I still got my A - double - you know what to the gym today so that's all that matters!

I did some shopping after that, god does shopping ever do the body good!

Oh yes, I forgot to post for Saturday night. We went to a guys 50th birthday who works with Mike. I didn't really know anyone there but felt okay in the situation, everyone was very nice! I was doing great until they pulled out these sandwiches....on croissants!!!! OMG they looked so delicious...with their 2 slices of swiss cheese, their turkey and ham meat...lettuce and all the fixing...and boy did they look good!

Mmmmmmm so off I went over to the "goodies" table to grab a plate....Before I wouldn't have put a second thought into my head about taking one or 2 pieces of that sandwich! Now I had to think twice...it was so tempting...almost calling my name....

but I didn't need it so I passed!!! I grabbed my veggies and fruits, a few cubes of cheese and off I went, I was satisfied with that...I reallly was. Sure I would have loved to have that sandwich but it's not going ot get me to where I need to go....I was proud of myself for sticking to my guns

I had water the whole time we were there, downed 2 bottles. They offered me this delicious strawberry orange alcoholic punch that looked OMG...delicious...but I told them no thank you. They said oh one glass won't hurt you...but that's the thing with me, I know one glass could turn into 2 or 10! So I stayed away completely knowing if I didn't get a taste of evil I wouldn't want more!

SO I guess that's it...today is a good day...off to a good start.....

Hope you guys have a good...cold Monday!

Tan

RESULTS ARE IN...first week after training with Rob...

2009-01-24T06:22:00.000-08:00

Robbie...all I gotta say is YOU"RE MY HERO!!!! Changing up my diet and incorporating the right kind of exercises for my body did it for me! I wasn't really expecting a huge loss as I've already been on a diet for a little while now.

Curious on how much I lost...oh I'm going to leave you hangin!

So I did my final workout last night, as if I was on biggest loser. You know when they do their "final workout"...it really does sound so final...like it's dooms-day! Well I busted my ass this week, and gave it my all. I pushed myself harder than I thought I could go...and I made myself proud.

I woke up this morning (Saturday) to Mike running up the stairs and saying..."time for your weigh in...he was standing right in front of the scale just as excited as myself! So I hopped on that lovely white scale with silver accents which measure my body fat and water. The scale is very scary, it can either be your best friend or worst enemy. Well I'll have to tell you that this week it was my ......

.....

....

BEST FRIEND!

I jumped on that scale and watched the little "wait" bars go across the screen as it calculated my weight. 248.0!!!!!!! I lost 4 lbs this week and OMG was I ever happy! I've hit my first goal and feel more proud than ever...I told you I wouldn't let you guys down! I am sooo sooo proud to say I"M BELOW 250 lbs!!!!! OMG saying that brings me to tears, but this time it's happy tears! God I'm on cloud nine yet again.

Thank you so much for your support....you guys are really giving me that extra push to give 110% every single time...Like my friend Joania says:
"Two thousand nine is Two Thousand MINE!

Well I hope you all have a fantastic day...I know I will now!

Off to eat my 2 egg omelet for breakfast...Mmmmmmm I love my life!

Big accomplishment..I said I CAN instead of I CANT!

2009-01-22T17:41:00.000-08:00

Oh MY GOSH...I am on the hugest high today! I finally feel free...!

So tonight was cardio night at the gym and before walking in there I told myself I was going to push myself to my limits...as far as I could go. My cardio is for 20 mins. So I stepped on that treadmill, hit the 20 mins and away I went...increasing my speed to 6.0. I ran...wait...I RAN for 1 km. For anyone that knows me knows I don't RUN...thats's just trouble! But I did it, I pushed myself...as hard as I could...I then slowed down, walked for a few minutes..then sped up to 6.5 for another .40 km...OMG I came home on cloud 9!!! I can't believe I did it!!! I kept thinking in my head of all the people rooting me on...I'm going to make you all proud! This one was for you guys!

A New Day

2009-01-22T05:02:00.000-08:00

This is a whole new day for me...I woke up feeling good, I actually feel like I'm on top of the world today.

For the FIRST time in my life, I don't have to hide anymore. I don't have to be ashamed of who I am...I just need to focus on change. This has been an amazing journey so far for me...I feel so empowered by all the love and support I've already received!

I can't believe how many people have already joined my group in support of me! I hope that one day I can inspire many of you to make your own changes in life, whether it be weight loss or anything else that has been holding you back.

I feel like this is a year for change, good things are going to happen this year!

Well after I posted my page last night, I got a little down to hear that someone had said "OMG I didn't know she was THAT big!" It hurt to hear this, but I know it's the truth. It's hard to hear the truth sometimes in life! I am not letting anything get me down in this fight for my life, I'm coming out a champion!

Today is a new day...and I feel great! Hope you all feel fantabulous today too!

Nothing in Life is FREE...but tonight it was for me!

2009-01-21T16:43:00.000-08:00

Tonight was such a freeing feeling. I finally sent everyone one of you my blog. This was such a hard thing for me to do. It took me weeks to build up the courage...BUT ...I did it! I feel so unleashed...like there is nothing in my way.

For so long I have hid behind a wall...A wall that wouldn't let me get hurt. I always hoped people thought I was smaller than I really am...but I was only kidding myself. This is who I am and it's who I needed to change.

Well this is a huge step in my journey to being healthy.

Thank you to all of you that have already joined my facebook group! The support has been overwhelming already!

I'll leave you all with this:

"Don't EVER tell yourself you can't do it, if you don't think you can, then find someone to show you how"

I love this saying, it's on my inspiration wall here at home and I love it! Really sets a tone for anything in life...no matter what your struggle is, we all have them!

Have a great night, Tan

Biggest Loser

2009-01-21T04:13:00.001-08:00

So last night Mike and I sat down to watch our newfound favourite (or one of them) show, Biggest Loser Couples. Now if you've been following this show like we have you'll know how crazy and uncommitted Joelle seemed. After elimination round last night, they KEPT her around! I was shocked at the results, but I knew that her friend back home really needed it and wanted it so I was happy. She's been given a second chance to change her life and I really hope she really pushes herself this coming week.

LOL as you can see i really get into my shows...this is the first season that I've ever seen of the biggest loser. I would see it every so often flipping the chanels but never watched it. I find it really encouraging to see that there are so many people in the same place in life...it's unfortunate but it's very assuring that I'm not alone.

We went to the gym last night to do my cardio workout which went well. It's wierd only being there for 20 minutes now and then leaving as that's all Rob wants me to do for cardio, 20 minutes every other day! And then my core workout at home on the opposite days which takes about 45 minutes. He said the reason for only doing 20 minutes of cardio is so you have somewhere to work up from. If you start your cardio out doing an hour, what are you going to work up to when you hit a plateau, 2 hours??? and then what happens after that with another plateau, 3 hours. He said the best thing to do it to start low, and if you're losing weight to stick with it....when you start slowing down with progress then you bump the cardio time up to 25...30...35...40 minutes etc to keep yourself progressing.

Well I think that's it for now...not much to say this morning, think I'm still half in the bag?

Good morning everyone, have a great day!

BE A TIGER ...GRRr

2009-01-20T11:44:00.001-08:00

HAHAH I had to post this photo as Mike tried to lighten my spirits with the aweful photos!

1st Photos!

2009-01-20T11:09:00.000-08:00

So here it is....my first photos.... OH GOD! Here it is...I'm ready for this and I'm going to do this. I'm going to send this website off to everyone I know in hopes to be encouraged and inspired by the people I love in my life.

So I'm starting out with my trainer at 252 lbs...God this is so hard to even write down! How did I ever let myself get to be this heavy...I don't know??? I guess it's just a bit of everything, but most of all it's my eating. I take complete ownership in what I've become, but it's not going to be anymore! I am changing my life for the better, to be healthy and happy. We are trying for our first child with lots of difficulties along the way.

I am here to change my life...it starts NOW!

Come along for the ride, it may have it's bump and turns...but eventually I'll get to my destination!

So here is what I'm looking to do, take off 101 lbs in 1 YEAR! I started off this journey at an embaressing 267 lbs!!! It breaks my heart and brings me to tears just to admit this to you. I am now down to 252 lbs and lowering! I am putting my struggles and accomplishments out there as I want to feel accountable to every one of you, my friends, my family...with your support and love I can do anything! I am not doing this for you though...I'm not doing it for my husband....I'm doing this all for ME!!! For once in my life I am going to be selfish and take back what I deserve, to be healthy!

This is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do, admit to the world of my obese size and weight! I'm sitting here in tears right now wondering what everyone will think, will they look at me differently...will they be discusted? At this point I've had enough though, I've put this off for too long, with my ups and downs...I'd lose weight but I would never come close to reaching my goal. Why am I doing it this time??? Because I've had enough...I'm ready to do things I could never do.

I was just thinking back to recently when my husband and i took a cruise and were looking for shore excursions to do. It makes me so sad to tell you all that I couldn't do many of the activities as you had to be under 200 lbs. This hurts me so much to tell you this, to admit that I've been so limited in life because of this problem. I look back to all the kids in school that would tease, that would call you names....I think sometimes you just start believing that you are that person they say you are. So many hurtful things were said when I was a child that really broke me. I remember coming home from school so many days and running upstairs in my bed to cry...I would just lay there crying not understanding "why"? Well I now know why, I have the power to change it and that's exactly what I'm doing.

With the help and tools from my excellent trainer Rob Lagana I will take off 86 lbs which joint with the 15 lbs I have already lost will bring me to my goal of 101 lbs! http://www.laganafitness.com/

Thank you Rob for giving me the tools to take back my life, to give my children a healthy life I only dreamed of as a child!

So here it is...my first set of photos. I will update these photos every month to compare so we can all see my progress along the way.

HERE WE GO!!! Choooooo Choooooooo!

My First Week...Rockin it hard!

2009-01-20T04:32:00.000-08:00

Grrrrr...have you ever written a huge email and then it disappears...JUST HAPPENED!

Well I've had a great week so far, was a little bit out of energy yesterday. I pushed through my workout and gave it my all in the afternoon when the kids were down. Got it done and feeling great.

It's amazing how quickly your body gets stronger. ...I can honestly tell a difference in my strength and stability already. I'm sooooo happy that I'm changing my life little by little.

I can't wait to see the results this week! I know it probably won't be a high number as I've already been on a diet for about 6 weeks now prior to starting this program. I will take anything because I know I'm not getting proper exercise in now! Can you believe it, I'm working out 6 times a week!!!...me!!! Well it's going very well and I'm enjoying it actually! I can do half of it from home so it's nice.

Soooooo...I finally tried that Ezekiel cereal I was talking about before...and yeah, it's not something I think I could do again. Kudos to all of you out there who can handle it...I ate half the bowl and then had to throw it out! I was quite weak yesterday...but today I feel much stronger.

Well my first set of photos will be going up soon...oh GOD! lol help us all now, they're pretty bad, but that's okay because they're only temporary.

I just want to share a few people that inspire me. First off my friend and a wonderful mother, Joania. She is such a rock, she focuses on something she wants and makes it happen. She was the one that told me about this "Rob guy" lol. She told me she had started training with him and that I should check into it. I then decided to start training with Rob after Joania had showed me a girl named Rosy who lost almost 150 lbs with Rob!!! She did an amazing job and is also a huge inspiration for me!!! Joania, you're doing amazing and look great. Check out her website and follow her progress...it's hard not to be inspired by Joania! www.joaniajourney.blogspot.com

Also check out Rosy's website, she did a great job and accomplished what she set out to do...in ONE YEAR!!! Thanks Joania and Rosy for showing me that I can get what I want if I really put my all into it www.rosyweightloss.blogspot.com

The people that I would like to thank most though are all my family and friends that have been supporting me as far as I've come already. I realise this journey is not going to be a quick one, but a life changing one. Thank you for all your encouragement, you don't even know how much it helps to keep me fighting this fight to take back my life! I want to thank my wonderful husband Mike, who has been trying harder than ever to help me gain back my health and happiness! Mike, I love you so much! Without you there's no sun...just sky!

well i guess that's it for now...Have a great day...I know I am!

off for now

My First Day :)

2009-01-17T14:44:00.000-08:00

So yesterday I weighed myself in the morning to see a nice surprise...another 1.8 lbs in 5 days. I was very pleased with the results!!!! That's 15.0 lbs off my body before starting with Rob.

Last night I met with Rob (my trainer) for the first time. I was terrified on the way there, not knowing exactly what to expect. It was a feeling almost as if I was going to get sick. I just was so nervous about my eating plan and everything combined...but also very excited. To my surprise, it was great! The eating plan didn't that bad at all, a few things I wasn't sure about on there but overall pretty good. We practised my workout routine so I could learn to do it at home, I was very excited when I left and happy!

So today comes around, I wake up in a fantastic mood. We got ready and went out to get my workout ball, weights, etc....oh and GROCERIES! The exercise equipment shopping went smoothly....picked up the stuff we needed and off to groceries we went. We started out well at the grocery store until we started getting to normal "healthy" foods which I normally thought were okay. One biggie for me was bread, and then I thought OHHHH YEAHHH no bread! Just ezekiel bread which is basically a bread that has no flour and has sprouted grains. It is very good for you and you can find it in the health food organic section (Frozen). So I'm looking at this bread thinking OMG discusting...as if I can really enjoy this?!?! So we'll see, I"m trying it out for breakfast tomorrow maybe? I also bought the ezekiel cereal which is the cereal I can eat on my plan (I'm used to cheerios which are too highly processed) to getting my body back to a fat burning machine. I had to open the cereal as soon as I got home...and it was a little bland but okay, I can handle it!

So I'm walking up and down the food isles as if this is the day I'm going to die! I don't know why but I just all of a sudden got so depressed and almost started to break down and cry. I think it's because I'm not very open to trying new foods, that terrifies me! But I moped myself out of the store with everything that was on my list to get...including salmon which I hated as a kid. We came home to make our salmon for lunch (fresh from the fish counter) and OMG it was delicious! Why have i never had it since a kid?!?!? I associate salmon with the canned stuff my mom used to give us with bones all in it...ewwww! But it was incredible, I highly recommend it!

So at the grocery store I had so much anxiety about nothing...absolutely nothing, loved the fish, the cereal I can handle and i"m sure the bread is the same! I feel really bad for going in with such a closed mind about what foods I like and don't like because I was pleasantly surprised!!!

I got through my first day on the new plan and it was great! I'm back to being happy again after having my melt down about new foods. I just felt as if I was being deprived of everything I love, but the salmon was such a gourmet meal with my spinach salad, which again I've never had but LOVED! Had it with a dijon mustard (with a little honey and water) on it. Delicious!

Well Mike and I are going to do my first routine on my own at home. We each bought an exercise ball as Mike wants to workout with me. Very Excited.

Well thats' in for now...just remember, and change in life that you're doing for you...is a good change. Keep and open mind about it and you'll really surprise yourself sometimes!!!

Tan

SO THIS IS IT>..... my NEW start!!!

2009-01-15T18:57:00.000-08:00

So here it is...the time has come. This is my moment to shine, my turn to change MY life! Tomorrow I start with my trainer Rob to beat this disease of weight...once and FOR ALL! I'm sooooo excited but with that comes a lot of mixed feelings. To put myself in such a vulnerable place, expose myself to everyone I know. I'm very scared to start...Terrified actually...but very excited now at the same time. I just keep running through my head....Okay what if I don't like the foods??? So many things run through your mind with such a huge commitment. But in the end it comes down to ME...this is for ME and I"M going to do it!

So I'm really bad at this blogging thing as I'm sure many of you will notice. I always forget to come on here to write things down. I'm sure I will get on here more often once I post this to everyone I know. I will feel accountable to you and your support will be what keeps me going!

So this is my goal to everyone that doesn't already know. I plan to lose weight and become a healthy person. I plan to change my life for me and for our family. I am so eager to get pregnant and will do whatever it takes to get there. My goal as some of you already know is to lose 101 lbs in one year.

I expect Rob ("the trainer") lol we'll call him that. I hope he will really kick my butt hard...to really tell me how it is and to show me how to push myself to the limits. He can give me the tools to be successful but getting there I have to do all on my own! I have to fight for what I want...I have to push myself harder than my limits thought I could go.

I want to put a little note to my husband Mike on here. He's my rock...!!! He's been sooo supportive thus far through this journey. He's stopped snacking himself a lot of times just in hopes that he won't tempt me.

So far I have lost 13.2 lbs. I am going to be weighing myself tomorrow morning as well. My weigh in's I used to do on Sundays but am now changing to Fridays since that is the day Rob is meeting with me (tomorrow) I have been watching what I eat and keeping my food intake per day to approx. 1500 calories. Can't wait to see what the scale looks like tomorrow, although it's only been 5 days I'm sure I've lost something.

Mike and I worked out tonight at the gym...felt great as always. I'm really not one that LOVES the gym...I find exercise to be a struggle for me. I am getting used to it and finding that my endurance is slowly getting a bit better.

Little story for today...this morning I took the daycare kids to the mall to go play at the YMCA play structure they have there. Problem is...you have to pass the food court to get there....! Don't worry...I didn't even have a thing! I was thinking in my head...this is your last day before you start "Hard Core" ...you can go get your iced cappucino from Tim's that you so love. I thought about it...thought where it would get me (not to my goal!...that's for sure) I also thought about the fact that we were going to the movies tonight (we had a coupon from christmas for movie with popcorn and drinks). I knew I was going to have my treat tonight before starting the "hardcore" diet...not sure why I think that? Just the unknown as I don't know what the eating plan entails at this point? LOL god I'm such a chicken! So I decided...I don't NEED Tim hortons iced cap and walked right by. I couldn't believe how strong I was today there...it felt so empowering!

So we went to the movies...and god was I having a clutsy night...(SURPRISE SURPRISE!). So we got our free popcorn and drink but I decided I would have some frozen yogurt as it's probably much healthier and then just have a tiny bit of popcorn (which by the way if you read up on movie theatre popcorn is crazy fattening?!?!?! who knew?) The popcorn kernels are basically deep fried in some really bad oil, then saturated in our oh soooo favorite Butter!!! So we went to sit down...Mike was holding my frozen yogurt when I turned around to take my coat off (was facing the theatre) and flung it right into the ice cream...all over the place. So I'm finding the napkins Mike got us (and by "us" I mean "me) as he knows how clutsy I am :) Mike says "honey, just hold the frozen yogurt, I'll clean it" So he goes to hand it to me and my hands aren't even on it when he lets it go! So I'm fumbling trying to get a grip on it before it hits the floor...and where does it land as I'm facing everyone standing up with the lights on ???? ON MY SHIRT!!!!! Holy Lord, could this night get any WORSE??? so here I am now cleaning my coat and my shirt....in front of everyone!!! Oh god...as if that wasn't enough....OH NO!!! THen I grab our jackets to use as a blanket...was freezing! The pocket of my jacket was open with lots of change....and OF COURSE if falls all over the floor clinking as it falls during a quiet part of the movie...(just get me out of here!!!) Then I almost spilled my drink all over the floor at the end of the movie, and got caught on the door while trying to walk out of the theatre....! Why does this stuff always happen to me???? I don't know, I ask myself the same thing all the time!!!

Well I guess that's it for now, will update with weight loss for tomorrow morning as well as my night with Rob tomorrow night getting my plan and exercise routine!

Have a great night everyone :)

Today is a good day!

2009-01-06T12:19:00.000-08:00

So yesterday I was off sick with a bad cold. I felt aweful and the cold had the best of me. I hate getting colds...I think they are the worst...the headache...not being able to breathe out of your own nose...it drives me nuts...constant runny nose...Baaa! I'm done with it, while on this weight loss journey I hope to build my immune system along the way to fight off these nasty colds and flu's.

Being off yesterday forced me to relax and just feel better which I did. I allowed my body to sleep when I needed it, to rest all day and watch some wonderful weight loss shows. I was captured by this whole telethon on TLC about half ton man, half ton woman, half ton teen. My heart just broke watching it. I realised they are no different from me at all, we are in the same place, they just have more weight to lose than I do. I still face the same struggles and accomplishments that they do. It was really eye opening and inspiring for me to watch. I have such a drive, such an inner strength.

I've actually made a little thermometer on the wall near our fridge. I fill in the red with every pound I lose, fill the wall with inspirational quotes etc. It helps me to focus on what I really want from this...to be healthy and happy.

We've finally signed up for a gym membership..>Hooooray!!! I like many others hate the gym but realise it's a good thing for me to get where I need to be. We are excited to keep up our workout routine.

I'm just waiting for Rob (my trainer) to finish my eating plan and our game plan. I'm very excited to get going with him and see the results. Well I've lost 11 lbs so far which is 10% of my weight loss goal. Only 90 lbs left to go!!! I'm so excited to be on this journey. I'm at the point in my life where I'm ready to embrace this chain.

The day I get to under 200 lbs will be a real accomplishment for me. I can't wait to get there, that is going to be a defining moment for me in this journey...to know I'll only have 40 lbs to go...can't wait. So I'm hoping to have approx. 50 lbs gone by June at least, I know it is more than possible. I would love to have about 60 lbs gone. I've decided to lose 101 lbs in one year...it is totally possible and I'm going to make it happen. For once I'm going to make myself proud!

Well off for now...have a great day everyone...

Tan

Happy New Year...it's 2009!!!

2009-01-02T13:51:00.000-08:00

So here it is...the New Year has arrived. With the New Year we all havc our goals, dreams and most of all RESOLUTIONS. Why does it seem that every year my resolution is always to lose weight??? I've gone on diet after diet every new year just to fall back to the same place I was in....overweight and unhappy. Well this is going to be a great year. I'm going to give myself he gift of health and happiness. How I plan to do this...focus!

I'm very pumped for this New Year and what it will bring for us. I have a feeling we will get pregnant this year...in February actually? Not sure why, I just thought of it last year and said out of the blue "Mike, we're going to get pregnant in February? Wierd I know, I will be so happy if it comes true. I trust that we're going to have our time...we'll just trust that God knows when it's time.

I'm becoming very focused on this new life change although it's hard to get in the mind set sometimes. I'm going to email Rob Legana ...I think that's how you spell it. He's the personal trainer I am going to use to assist me in getting to where I want to be. That is healthy and happy with a complete transformation that I am set on having,. My workouts will be intense I"m sure but I'm ready for it!

I will be taking my measurements and my first pictures once I start with him and will post them every month after so you can follow along with my progress.

Well off for now...Happy Friday everyone

Home for the Holidays

2008-12-30T04:13:00.001-08:00

So we're back home now from the holidays. We went to see my family for Christmas for the first time since I moved here and it was nice. I was very nervous before leaving as I wasn't sure how things were going to go. I knew there would be lots of treats and goodies for the holidays and was very panicked at whether or not I could hold myself together enough to be good over the holidays.

I was very good leading up to Christmas, kept myself on track and refused to eat things that weren't going to support my goal and get me there. Christmas eve I had my FAVORITE chocolate bar placed in my stocking (Flake) which is a british chocolate bar that I absolutely adore. I decided I would let myself have a little as a treat. I took a few bites and then passed it around for the family to enjoy. Now if you know me well enough you know that I'm not very good at sharing chocolate...and by that I mean I don't lol.

Now for Christmas dinner. We had it on boxing day and 20 family members arrived at my parents house. We were cooking turkey, ham and the whole bit. It was delicious. I stuck to eating a lot of vegetables and of course some turkey and ham. After the meal of course the deserts came out...oh dear lord...they looked delicious. I decided to let myself have a treat as I've been doing very well since starting. I had a small piece of trifle which is angel food cake with puddings and whip cream. It was delicious. I had a mini cream cheese tart and 1 small scoop of ice cream. That was my allowance. Once dinner was over and we were cleaning up I noticed I was picking at a lot of the foods...the leftover salad, the ham etc. I then realized that I don't like large groups of people as I am more comfortable in smaller groups. Yet another emotion realized...nervous. When I'm feeling uncomfortable I eat as a comfort...which I noticed. Next time I am in a large group setting I will watch for this. It's done sub-consciously and you don't even realize.

We had a very good Christmas other than that...did well and I'm proud. It's not easy breaking life long habits but I'm starting one at a time.

Oh yes...and did i forget to mention I got to my 10lb weight loss goal by Christmas??? Yup...I did it. I was so happy to look on that scale Christmas morning when i woke up to realize I had lost the 10lbs I was hoping to lose by Christmas.

My goal is to lose at least another 10lbs by our specialist appointment. We're having it on February 10th. This means I have approx 5 weeks to take off another 10lbs. That's 2lbs per week and can be done. I'm ready and up to the challenge!

Well I'm off for now...another day of new challenges that I'm ready for.

Good Friday morning!!!

2008-12-19T04:39:00.000-08:00

Goodmorning...so today is Friday and I've had 5.5 hours of sleep but feeling good. After my first blog last night I read it to my husband Mike. I couldn't even get through reading half of it to him before I broke down in tears. I noticed I normally don't share my feelings as I did last night. I normally keep all the emotions inside, it was a freeing feeling. I threw everything I'm feeling out there on the table, had my good cry and it felt good for once to just let it go.

This morning I woke up...got ready and down I came for breakfast as the kiddies came in. I had a hard boiled egg, a piece of flax seed toast and an apple....and of course some water. I'm off to a good start until a box of fresh timbits comes through the door from one of my daycare parents (thanks Stacy) the KIDS loved them. That's right... I didn't touch even one single timbit!!! Now for some that would be no big deal but for me with a sweet tooth...it's inpossible to say no but this morning it was an obstacle I had to overcome...and I DID! I didn't put one single lick of icing in my mouth...and it felt better than eating the donut because I felt impowered that I CAN say NO. I'm glad she brought them...it just showed me that I CAN do it!

So next week is Christmas and with that comes celebration...emotional eating...turkey...emotional eating. It's all comfort foods that people like myself eat when we are sad, happy, celebrating etc. Just last night after writing this blog I broke down and had my cry. Then what do you think I did right after not even realizing??? I went straight to the fridge and grabbed the pack of ham. I took it out of the fridge and went to eat a piece when I stopped myself in complete shock realizing what I do. When I'm emotional (any emotion) I eat. I finally caught myself in this out of body state doing exactly what I'm trying to control...emotional eating. I think that was probably the first time I've actually realized that's what it was and stopped myself...I put the package of ham back in the fridge without a bite...grabbed myself a glass of water and off to bed I went.

There are many trials and tribulations that come with losing weight and being healthy...but the benefits far outweigh that. I'm on my way to a healthy lifestyle...one meal, one choice, one pound at a time. If you're an emotional eater like myself please feel free to share, comment etc as it could help all of us to support one another.

Have you ever looked at someone that has just lost a lot of weight and felt so happy for them but in the back of your head you wonder how do they ever do it? How do they ever stick to it until the end? I have always looked at myself and thought..."well I might get there" but I could never really invision myself getting there even though I said it. Sometimes it just seems so out of reach....like the impossible. I am going to allow myself to have this...I deserve it and it's about time! I've been waiting long enough and now it's my time. It's my turn to finally have what I want....and I'm going to get it! I've had enough of the up and down diet...this is a lifechange...for me to take charge of my eating habits and my life.

I will be posting my weight soon and I'm oh so nervous. I just think to all the people I know and wonder what they will think. At this point I'm done...I don't care. This is who I am and it's who I'm going to change. I may not have the power to have a child as that is something I can't 100% control...but my weight....this change I am in charge of and I CAN and WILL make it happen.

Along the way I hope to be inspired by the stories I will hear and may inspire someone else to make their own defining moment to change their life. I haven't opened this blog to the public yet as I'm still finding that perfect moment to share the most secretive parts of my life with everyone. I will get there soon enough and with it I will add progress photos. Have a great day everyone...talk to you soon!

The Beginning...the start of my lifechanging process

2008-12-18T20:03:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone...

So here I am with so much to lose and everything to gain. Yes, I'm on a weight loss journey to lose weight. Why I want to do this? I've been overweight since I was young and have never truly gotten to that goal. I've tried many diets and lost the weight, gained it back. It seems to be a circle I can never get out of.

So here I am...I've decided to put myself on the line. I know that for myself I need lots of support and encouragement to get there. I've always wanted to get there but never quite made the finish line.

We recently went to a fertility appointment as we've been trying for 1.5 years to get pregnant with no luck at all. This weighed in really heavy with me. I have a very wide range of emotions that come with trying to have a child. If you've been in my position I'm sure you know and if you haven't...I would never wish it on you. To want something so badly and knowing it's just really one of those things that you can't control...that's out of your court is hard to take. I've shed my tears, questioned why and looked at people that have children in envy. While we were at the specialist appointment, he let us know that I have to lose at least 40lbs before he will do artificial insemination or IVF for us. So here I am...as if there already isn't enough pressure to have a baby...this just added to it. We returned from our cruise on Nov. 26th and our appointment was on the 27th. Now if you've ever been on an all inclusive vacation you'll know what I mean when I say you eat like a pig!!! If you're used to eating 3 meals a day you'll eat 5 just because you can! So I went from eating everything in my site one day to a full on weight loss journey the next.

Now you think it would be easy to lose weight since it's for your "child" but I've been struggling. I am losing slowly but I find I was never quite ready for THAT kind of news. It's so hard to eat healthy...I have an addiction. Like many of you that addiction is food. I'm putting my heart on my sleeve right now and bearing my soul to the world in a hope that I can change my life...that I can give my children and family the best life possible one day. At times I feel selfish for costing us money to lose weight...why couldn't I just have been born skinny right? Well I'm sure there is a lot of factors but it's simple. This is where I'm at today and I'm ready for a change. I never thought of doing something like this...blogging about weight loss. I was inspired by a wonderful friend of mine, Joania. She has inspired me to make a better life for myself and the family I will one day have. We have decided to do this journey together as we are in the same boat...a life to be healthy and happy.

I have been finding it much easier now to resist temptation as I'm now getting accustomed to eating healthy whole foods once again. I have been watching what I have been eating for the past 3 or so weeks but now I'm for sure. I'm going to do this for me...for my husband...and for the family we will one day have. I am going to fight for the things I've wanted for so long that seem so far out of reach at times. I am going to do this...

I feel very vulnerable at this point...thinking of everyone I know....will they look at me differently if they know my weight....my size...think how big I am. I'm doing this for me and only me. I want to feel accountable to every special person in my life. I don't want to turn back this time and I won't. This is it. I will be doing my first real weigh in on Monday...just 3 days before Christmas. I know the weight may not be coming off as quickly as I'd like at this point but I am very proud of the progress I have made thus far.

I am going to try to blog as much as I can to keep you posted on my progress, struggles, defeats, and celebrations. It's my turn to do something for myself...it's the best gift that I can be selfish about.

Well I'm off for the night...