The Beginning...the start of my lifechanging process

Hi everyone...

So here I am with so much to lose and everything to gain. Yes, I'm on a weight loss journey to lose weight. Why I want to do this? I've been overweight since I was young and have never truly gotten to that goal. I've tried many diets and lost the weight, gained it back. It seems to be a circle I can never get out of.

So here I am...I've decided to put myself on the line. I know that for myself I need lots of support and encouragement to get there. I've always wanted to get there but never quite made the finish line.

We recently went to a fertility appointment as we've been trying for 1.5 years to get pregnant with no luck at all. This weighed in really heavy with me. I have a very wide range of emotions that come with trying to have a child. If you've been in my position I'm sure you know and if you haven't...I would never wish it on you. To want something so badly and knowing it's just really one of those things that you can't control...that's out of your court is hard to take. I've shed my tears, questioned why and looked at people that have children in envy. While we were at the specialist appointment, he let us know that I have to lose at least 40lbs before he will do artificial insemination or IVF for us. So here I am...as if there already isn't enough pressure to have a baby...this just added to it. We returned from our cruise on Nov. 26th and our appointment was on the 27th. Now if you've ever been on an all inclusive vacation you'll know what I mean when I say you eat like a pig!!! If you're used to eating 3 meals a day you'll eat 5 just because you can! So I went from eating everything in my site one day to a full on weight loss journey the next.

Now you think it would be easy to lose weight since it's for your "child" but I've been struggling. I am losing slowly but I find I was never quite ready for THAT kind of news. It's so hard to eat healthy...I have an addiction. Like many of you that addiction is food. I'm putting my heart on my sleeve right now and bearing my soul to the world in a hope that I can change my life...that I can give my children and family the best life possible one day. At times I feel selfish for costing us money to lose weight...why couldn't I just have been born skinny right? Well I'm sure there is a lot of factors but it's simple. This is where I'm at today and I'm ready for a change. I never thought of doing something like this...blogging about weight loss. I was inspired by a wonderful friend of mine, Joania. She has inspired me to make a better life for myself and the family I will one day have. We have decided to do this journey together as we are in the same boat...a life to be healthy and happy.

I have been finding it much easier now to resist temptation as I'm now getting accustomed to eating healthy whole foods once again. I have been watching what I have been eating for the past 3 or so weeks but now I'm for sure. I'm going to do this for me...for my husband...and for the family we will one day have. I am going to fight for the things I've wanted for so long that seem so far out of reach at times. I am going to do this...

I feel very vulnerable at this point...thinking of everyone I know....will they look at me differently if they know my weight....my size...think how big I am. I'm doing this for me and only me. I want to feel accountable to every special person in my life. I don't want to turn back this time and I won't. This is it. I will be doing my first real weigh in on Monday...just 3 days before Christmas. I know the weight may not be coming off as quickly as I'd like at this point but I am very proud of the progress I have made thus far.

I am going to try to blog as much as I can to keep you posted on my progress, struggles, defeats, and celebrations. It's my turn to do something for myself...it's the best gift that I can be selfish about.

Well I'm off for the night...